Wednesday, March 21, 2007
I can't help but think about how women would talk and think whenever they are with their companions, their circle of friends. Yes I know, some girls may be flexible and can act normally around their boy friends (boyfriends also included), but they cannot hide the fact that they'd still behave differently when we are finally out of the scene. Sometimes, I'd see them murmuring and pointing people out in the middle of their conversation, while wearing their 'Dalagang Pilipina' smiles; a typical scene everywhere I go. I became too curious to know the reason behind those pretty smiles in their faces, that I wanted to become like them, even just for a day.
Since I was a small child, being a girl (or being with girls) has always been my wish. Now that twelve years have gone by, the thought still baffles me. I wanted to be a girl one day (Or was I a girl one day?). Don't get me wrong though, I wanted to, but I cannot, and I will not. Though in one desperate attempt, I tried being with them for almost half a day, only to see failure spank me in the face and hit me straight in the eye.
After trying to join them wherever they want to stroll (that includes bringing their bags along with me), standing and waiting for at least twenty minutes outside the door of the girl'sCR restroom washroom whatever they call it, (making me more interested on what is concealed behind that door) everything just got more complicated. And still, at the end of the day, I just became a slave, perhaps a specimen for the 'evil plans' (excuse me for the term) that they’ve always wanted to try doing to us guys. Afraid as ever, the coward in me comes out whenever I am with them (the girls).
Being with them is easier said than done, that even talking would seem to be like conversing with three-year olds, (maybe that is why gays are around, for translation purposes) making it more fun to be a woman, or so I thought it to be. I do not know how or why, but I managed to build better relationships with girls than I did with guys. And I can't help but wonder how I did that. There's something in me that comes out everytime I think about it. I feel an aura that engulfs me, as if I was a woman myself in my past life. Mysterious as ever, girls always knock me off my feet.
Perhaps this is just paranoia that's trying to kill me. Perhaps this is just caused by being around twenty two ladies in our OT block. As I have tackled in a previous entry, sometimes they even ask me out on what's the real deal with my gender. Still, my curiosity starts to deepen as the days pass by. But instead of having the answer that I wanted, another mystery comes up and the answer I'm waiting for still evades my clumsy hands. Perhaps trying to coax the answer will not do me any good. Hopefully, the time will come that whatever it is I'm looking for just springs unbidden in my lap.
Women, they never cease to amaze me. Still, I guess I'll never be able to understand them. That is still debatable, though.
*to put this entry it in simple Tagalog terms, "Ang hirap lang talagang intindihin ng mga babae." I'm just kidding. ;)
Since I was a small child, being a girl (or being with girls) has always been my wish. Now that twelve years have gone by, the thought still baffles me. I wanted to be a girl one day (Or was I a girl one day?). Don't get me wrong though, I wanted to, but I cannot, and I will not. Though in one desperate attempt, I tried being with them for almost half a day, only to see failure spank me in the face and hit me straight in the eye.
After trying to join them wherever they want to stroll (that includes bringing their bags along with me), standing and waiting for at least twenty minutes outside the door of the girl's
Being with them is easier said than done, that even talking would seem to be like conversing with three-year olds, (maybe that is why gays are around, for translation purposes) making it more fun to be a woman, or so I thought it to be. I do not know how or why, but I managed to build better relationships with girls than I did with guys. And I can't help but wonder how I did that. There's something in me that comes out everytime I think about it. I feel an aura that engulfs me, as if I was a woman myself in my past life. Mysterious as ever, girls always knock me off my feet.
Perhaps this is just paranoia that's trying to kill me. Perhaps this is just caused by being around twenty two ladies in our OT block. As I have tackled in a previous entry, sometimes they even ask me out on what's the real deal with my gender. Still, my curiosity starts to deepen as the days pass by. But instead of having the answer that I wanted, another mystery comes up and the answer I'm waiting for still evades my clumsy hands. Perhaps trying to coax the answer will not do me any good. Hopefully, the time will come that whatever it is I'm looking for just springs unbidden in my lap.
Women, they never cease to amaze me. Still, I guess I'll never be able to understand them. That is still debatable, though.
*to put this entry it in simple Tagalog terms, "Ang hirap lang talagang intindihin ng mga babae." I'm just kidding. ;)
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